Sometimes I feel like the hunted victim out of the Hunger Games or a lonely gazelle roaming on the Serengeti. Upon leaving the safety of my home there seems to be a gang of new born baby’s and big beautiful belly’s perfectly positioned around every corner just waiting to pounce. Murphy’s law has it that on the days I feel the worst the more babies and belly’s there are out and about serving as a constant reminder as to why I woke up just a little bit sad that morning. I don’t want to sound like a heartless bitch, obviously I LOVE babies and take my hat off to pregnant ladies but sometimes (actually all the time) I just want to escape the reality of my inability to do what these ladies do so well.
One thing everyone in my position will have is a loaded answer all ready for the questions, “oh no babies yet” or the “so when are you guys going to start your family?” and the classic “don’t leave it too long”. My answers have varied from “we have decided not to have children” which I learnt prompts more questions than silence, so my more common answers are “oh we are too busy for children, we will when we have time” and the classic and more honest “oh when the time is right”. I personally leave the house on guard prepared for these questions because the last thing you want is to burst into tears in the supermarket while spitting out a bullshit excuse as to why you are not pushing a pram, straight jacket alert!
In saying that I have shed many a tear in the supermarket (have you ever noticed how many kids there are at a supermarket), one day in particular I bumped into two ladies I knew, both beautifully pregnant and happy, boom boom one after the other, I could not keep myself together. I left the trolley where it was, headed straight for the wine isle and left with wine bottle firmly gripped in my clenched fist. Another time I actually had a lady place her hand on my belly and congratulate me on my pregnancy and no, not because she had heard a rumor but because she genuinely thought I looked pregnant! I was actually having a really good day, I had an xmas shopping list that I was ticking off and was absorbed in tasks, this one caught me well off guard. I wanted the floor boards to open up as I am sure she did also, poor lady she must think me very unstable and obviously a little fat…….. more gym less wine this means!
On the flip side to this there are the odd moments when i’m walking through the supermarket and I see those little shits fighting to get lollies in the trolley, following through with a full blown tantrum when they don’t get their way, or the kids that are screaming the place down and mums able to just ignore the ear piercing volume and I think “oh thank god i’m not in your shoes love”.
Me Versus Ashermans 