memoirs from mum

The last three years have been quite a journey for my daughter and her husband.

I remember when my daughter lost her first baby. I knew what she was feeling; I had lost a child too. I knew she would be grieving for this baby and was so excited for her when she very quickly fell pregnant for the second time.  I began to worry when she lost the second baby.

And then everything changed, we wondered why and thought it strange.

It seemed as they just had to look at each other for the first two pregnancies and now nothing. Abnormal periods, lots of pain and no baby. Although for us it seemed to be a point worth investigating it appeared to be of no concern to the various medical professionals they saw along the way. It wasn’t until the fertility specialist came on the scene that they began to get some answers and started making sense of where they were at.

I remember how relieved my daughter was when they finally had a diagnosis and she understood that her inability to conceive was no fault of hers.

I am grateful that she has always willingly shared her journey with me, I listen as she  talks about her frustrations, disappointments’, and sadness. About her desire to have a child and about the possibility of not being able to conceive.

I listen and feel so helpless.  This is one hurt a mother – or anyone else – for that matter, cant fix.

My daughter is an adult now with a wonderful husband who stands right beside her. When she needs me, I am here.

Mostly I think it’s about listening, encouragement, and just being there.

While I have no doubt that baby, baby, baby is in the fore front of her mind constantly, we have had lots of precious mother and daughter time.  Just hanging out – movies, coffees etc.  Doing normal everyday things. Although we have never discussed it I think we both agree that there has to be a balance in life and that although pregnancy is right up there you still need to enjoy these times together.

I have seen her struggle with her own failure to conceive and the genuine joy she feels for her friends as they begin their families.

I have seen how her friends struggle with not quite knowing what to say or how to be there for her.

I see how my daughter trusts her intuitions about what is happening in her body and has been proactive about seeking answers. There were several times when she felt treatment had not been effective and went back for more tests instead of waiting the three months or so that was often the advice after treatment.

She has been right every time and this has saved precious time as she travels this path of infertility.

There are times when she retreats from the world, when our daily contact is reduced to a single word text reply or we have a very short conversation or no response to my calls and texts at all.

Or there is the other extreme where it’s all go, when she is very busy, bubbly and lively.

Then there are the fertility treatments – not much fun………….. she is up and down –  all over the place.

One extreme to the other – but then that pretty much sums up this journey.

Pregnant – Miscarriage!

Pregnant – Miscarriage!

Diagnosis – Treatment

Scarring all gone – Some scarring left behind

All scarring gone – Suspected Endometriosis …………………….

We had a laugh the other day when she joyfully told me her period had arrived.

Ironic when you’re trying to get pregnant and you’re happy when your period comes.

It was the first normal period she had had in three years!

I know my daughter would agree with me when I say that along the way there have been some wonderful blessings. The genuine love and concern so many people show. The support she has at work and the wonderful fertility specialist she now has. One day, baby or no baby I’m going to give that man the biggest hug!

He has been a rock for my daughter and her husband in a way no one else could. He has provided professional, honest, compassionate and practical support.

And then there is her husband, he is right there with her, every step of the way. Generally speaking it’s been my experience that men are doers , not talkers and it must be so hard to have to watch all this unfold and not be able to fix it. I’m sure at times he must feel very lonely, disappointed and angry at the situation.

The outcome of this journey is still uncertain but I’m not ready to entertain the possibility that my daughter and her husband’s dream of having a family won’t come true. It’s looking more positive every day – one day my daughter will hold that precious baby in her arms – I know it.